The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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