he told me I talked like a deaf person
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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