Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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