One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
