so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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