Me too!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
