When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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