mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
