omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
