God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
