Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
third nipple confirmed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
