nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.