my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.