she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.