i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
