I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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