i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
