Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
