He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
