I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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