I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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