I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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