you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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