Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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