it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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