I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
oh god was she eating orange peels again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
