i was born a porn star she said
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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