No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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