But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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