so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I believe in your delicious
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
