come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
