Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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