just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize
