thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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