Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
NoShamevember. You game?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
