I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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