im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
