Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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