sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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