census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
