We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
