So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
