i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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