Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I faked an abortion last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
