i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
