zippers are such a cool invention
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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