Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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