You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
