Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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