I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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