As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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