Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day