Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.

Fav 17 3028 870
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.

Fav 7 799 1792
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

Fav 21 1407 4176
share tweet
(906): View more from Michigan

Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

Fav 29 8208 1668
share tweet
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.

Fav 36 6252 1805
share tweet
(925): View more from California

While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

Fav 42 8294 2190
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...

Fav 5 3201 1221
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.

Fav 1 830 469
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo

Fav 2 156 78
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT