i permit you to call me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse