Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im holly from the hills drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
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Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice