Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1604) Bad night (3659)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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  (920): Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out. http://tfl.nu/bwpe
  Replies (7) Good night (1503) Bad night (4614)
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  (415): View more from California

  Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.

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  (415): Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle. http://tfl.nu/saxv
  Replies (7) Good night (3723) Bad night (1172)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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  (518): i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone? http://tfl.nu/iu7h
  Replies (11) Good night (1332) Bad night (2573)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.

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  (757): We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out. http://tfl.nu/e9z5
  Replies (4) Good night (1179) Bad night (3620)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?

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  (513): Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/gja3
  Replies (14) Good night (1377) Bad night (4533)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

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  (513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy
  Replies (6) Good night (3162) Bad night (1428)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.

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  (417): It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday. http://tfl.nu/s40o
  Replies (15) Good night (2386) Bad night (568)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
  Replies (46) Good night (1782) Bad night (3033)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic

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  (414): Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic http://tfl.nu/n8i2
  Replies (1) Good night (1115) Bad night (449)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.

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  (201): This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw. http://tfl.nu/lq9h
  Replies (7) Good night (721) Bad night (1033)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.

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  (215): Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro. http://tfl.nu/nta7
  Replies (11) Good night (1858) Bad night (390)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...

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  (330): I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay... http://tfl.nu/3ns8
  Replies (9) Good night (380) Bad night (967)
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  (415): View more from California

  I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high

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  (415): I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high http://tfl.nu/20fs
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (188)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal

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  (617): This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal http://tfl.nu/045y
  Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (182)

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