Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think a kid would responsible me up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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