I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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