they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
