that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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