Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize