i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
