You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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