and she was petting her beer can
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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