there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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