I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
