Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
