im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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