party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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