I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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